This is the 400th episode of Unfuck Your Brain, which I cannot even believe. It is unreal what happens when you commit to holding a big vision and setting a crazy impossible goal and just going after it week after week, year after year.

Over the years of making this podcast, I have created my personal dream life using many of the principles and concepts that I teach on the podcast. So, today to celebrate our 400th audio hangout, I’m going to go over everything I tried that did not work, so I can save you some time. And then I’m going to talk about the three top things that did work, so you can use them as a blueprint for creating your dream life. I also have a present, a kind of celebration of 400 episodes present for you at the end, which is a free self-study guide and resource and lesson for the process of envisioning your dream life, so you can bring it into being. So stay tuned to the end of the episode to make sure you get the information on how to access that.

Welcome to UnF*ck Your Brain. I’m your host, Kara Loewentheil, Master Certified Coach and founder of The School of New Feminist Thought. I’m here to help you turn down your anxiety, turn up your confidence, and create a life on your own terms, one that you’re truly excited to live. Let’s go.

All right, my friends, here we are, episode 400. Before I share it with you today, I want to celebrate some of what this podcast has already allowed so many of you to accomplish because again, this is our 400th episode. I cannot get over how many podcast episodes that is. And so here are a couple of amazing podcast stories from some of you. You may be listening right now about to hear your own story that you shared in a review or in an email. I’m just going to share two of these with you today.

Here’s the first one. “I’ve listened to the podcast since 2018 and it’s completely changed the way I think about things that show up in my life. I have less anxiety and less stress as a result of implementing the strategies that Kara shares in this podcast. I also have more compassion for myself and everyone else in my life. I’m a better mom, a better partner, and just a happier person because of the tools Kara shares. Couldn’t recommend this podcast any more highly. I’m a huge podcast nerd and this one is by far, all caps. My favorite. Thanks for all you do, Kara. Your work has changed my life.”

And this theme is picked up in the second review that I want to share says, “This work has changed my life. That sounds dramatic, I know, but it is entirely true. I’m so thankful for having stumbled upon this show and have gleaned so much from Kara over the past few months. I felt desperate to change and had been hitting a wall in my own quest for personal growth. I listening to other brain centered podcasts, self help books, medication, et cetera. However, after a few therapy sessions and several UFYB podcasts, it became immensely clear that I didn’t just need to know the reason why I had the hang ups that were causing me to miss out on life, I needed to know how to manage my mind. For me, learning to manage my thoughts has proven so helpful. I am loving the life I wanted to love before when I felt stuck and depressed. It’s been a beautiful growth season. Even my family and closest friends are seeing the differences. Thank you.”

Those came from reviews left on Apple Podcasts and if you’ve benefited from the podcast yourself from all the hundreds of hours that we have spent together, I would love to ask you to do me a favor in return. Rating the podcast and leaving a review is one of the main ways that all the platforms, but especially Spotify and Apple, decide how often to show your podcast to new people. So if you’ve never left me a review, or even if you have before, please do that now to celebrate our 400th episode together. Even a few lines helps on any platform.

We’re going to start releasing a new weekly episode soon. It’s a little preview spoiler alert for you of real-life coaching questions and answers, and I’ll be selecting a review to read on that episode every week. So if you submit a review, you may hear yours read aloud, especially if you mention any ways you’ve used thoughtwork in your life.

I’m recording this just two days after I held the kind of concluding ceremony for the first cohort to go through my Mission Impossible Mastermind. And I was going to say it was a graduation ceremony, but actually everyone in the group except for one person wanted to do it again. So they’re not graduating yet. We’re running another cohort and I’m going to keep doing this program for sure. So it was more of a celebration. It was we had an award lunch, a high tea, we did some coaching, I gave awards to everybody got an award for the work they’d done in the mastermind. But it just feels very fitting that this group kind of came to a close or came to a pause before they start up again, the same week that I am doing this 400th episode because so much of what I’ve been doing with this small group of women in this mastermind is helping them create their dream lives.

And because I attract people who are high achievers and have big goals, we kind of structure the mastermind around setting an impossible goal and then achieving it. But what really happens is that when you set that kind of goal, you end up having to really grapple with the big questions about who you are and what you want your life to be like. And so these women have ended up not just going after those goals. In some cases they’ve achieved them, in some cases they’ve changed the goal as they’ve grown, they’ve learned what they really wanted. They really have done a lot of deep work on creating the life that they really want to live.

And when I think about what is different between my life now, 400 episodes of Unfuck Your Brain later, from where I started, I have all the things that I started this journey wanting. But the real growth has been becoming the person that was able to create them and like learning everything that I’ve learned along the way. So I enjoy the fruits of my labor. I enjoy those things. I enjoy the financially successful business, I enjoy the incredible marriage, I enjoy the absence of dieting and body image shame. I enjoy the comfortable relationship with food and my body. I enjoy the Victorian Farmhouse on a creek.

I enjoy all of those things, but what really matters to me is the person I’ve become through the process of creating those outcomes. And so I want to talk today about how to create your dream life because everybody’s dream life should look different. The version of it that we get on Instagram or social media where everybody wants to be like looking the same and competing over the same few metrics of like how many Instagram followers you have or like how fancy your kitchen renovation is or I don’t know, and everybody getting the same fillers so that there’s just this kind of like generic look everyone has. That is not my dream life. And I don’t really believe it’s most people’s dream life, but we are not in touch with what our real dream life is. Right, we are not aware of who we really are and what we really want because we have been so brainwashed by society.

And so this journey for me has been a lot about trading a version of my life in which I was hitting the externally imposed markers of having a very successful mainstream prestigious career and dieting and binging and purging and controlling my body into somewhat of submission. You know, I never was able to turn myself into a blonde size two obviously. But you know, exerting as much control as I seemed to be capable of over my body size and dating the kind of men that I thought I was supposed to date or trying to date them and failing. I mean so many ways in which I was just sort of enslaved to that version of me that I thought I was supposed to be. And the freedom has really been from figuring out who I really wanted to be.

So I want to talk today about some things that did not work to help me create my dream life, and then I want to talk about the things that did work that you can practice as well. So here are some things that didn’t work and why they didn’t work. And all of these things may be great for other things, but they were not great for helping me achieve my dream life.

So the first one was just achievements, right? Going after the socially sanctioned goals that I was told to go after and racking up those achievements that I was told I should achieve. So going to Yale, going to Harvard Law School, clerking on a federal appeals court, getting a litigation fellowship, getting an academic fellowship, working on becoming a law professor, like winning national awards for my writing, serving on boards of directors, like all of these things that I was doing because that was the path that was laid out for me. And I kept reaching each successive milestone and having this experience of like, okay, I’m here, I’m ready for the confidence and fulfillment to descend. But of course they never did because external things don’t create our feelings, but I had to learn that lesson so many times before it started to sink in.

Another thing I tried was dieting, right? Trying to control my food, my movement, and my body size, shape, and weight. I would link all of those under kind of diet culture. I was heavily invested in diet culture as being the vehicle to my eventual dream life and happiness, right? I was socialized into this. I don’t think there’s a hunter gatherer who does this. I was socialized into this idea that the path to happiness would be found through controlling my body. That’s what women are taught. That’s not what men are taught. Men are not taught that the path to happiness is controlling their body, but women are taught that the path to happiness is controlling their body.

And so I connected all the outcomes I wanted to my weight and to my eating and my movement, right? So it was like, yes, the weight was the sort of like thing that you could try to manipulate and change, but all of the things that I thought contributed to the weight, like my lack of discipline, and my lack of willpower, and my whatever else were like the character flaws that were keeping me from my dream life, right, in this kind of warped way of thinking. And so I thought when I’m thin, then obviously it’s going to be so much easier. Then I’m going to find love. Then I’ll find the perfect partner. Then I’ll feel good about myself. Then I’ll be more professionally successful. Then I’ll feel more confident speaking on stage. Then I can become a life coach because then people will trust me. Right, I literally linked everything to it. Then I’ll be accepted, fully accepted and not feel insecure or ashamed ever. Spoiler alert, that did not work.

So I would call that like phase one, right? Phase one of the attempt to create my dream life was do the things that society has told you will create your dream life. So it became clear by my late 20s I would say, that was not working. So I wasn’t ready to give those up. I mean I was still definitely going to continue my investment in those things, but I started kind of like looking into some of the other kind of vehicles for like self-improvement or wellness that had been sort of co-opted into the mainstream and were framed as kind of like if you do these things, you become better at achievements and dieting.

So like yoga was being sold and promoted as like something that was going to help you lose weight and help you get in shape and develop discipline and develop inner peace in some like morally superior way, but also like will make you better at your job. And the same for meditation, right? It was like all the big founders and CEOs meditate, it makes them better leaders. So it’s like these practices being co-opted by mainstream society and framed as like things that will help you do better at achievements and diet culture basically.

So I tried yoga and meditation. There were absolutely benefits to both of them that I experienced. They did not fundamentally change my way of being in the world and relating to myself. They just got kind of sucked into my perfectionism and self-criticism and focus on like achievement and if you your brain goes wherever you go, right? It’s that saying wherever you go, that’s where you are. Like if you are hyper competitive because of insecurity, you can be hyper competitive about your yoga and meditation practice. Like it did not fundamentally change me.

I also went to therapy. Of course, listen, I’m from a Jewish New York family, like was not afraid of therapy. I had no stigma around therapy. I had asked my parents to send me to therapy when I was in high school because I was developing disordered eating and I was the one who recognized that and asked for myself to be sent to therapy. So I went to therapy for many years. Again, absolutely was helpful. For me, it did not detach me from my attachment to the kind of mainstream vision of success that I was trying to achieve.

So that was phase two. I would say like the kind of mainstream solutions that everybody says is like, have you tried yoga? Have you tried meditation? Have you tried therapy? Did all of those, bits of helpful things from all of them, none of them fundamentally solved my problem. Then I would say we entered phase three. And I should also say, I’m not telling you not to go to yoga or meditation or therapy, obviously. I think that all of those things can be very useful, very important. And depending on what you’re struggling with, absolutely necessary.

But I also want to normalize that if you have tried those things and you are totally functional, yeah, you’re not dysfunctional, you don’t need acute mental support, like you are a totally functional person living what appears to be a totally functional life, but you don’t feel the sense of fulfillment that you want and you have tried those things and they haven’t really helped. I want to like normalize that actually doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you. There’s a reason, right? Those things may not have gotten to the pieces that you do need to change that will help, which is what I’ll talk about in the second half of the episode.

Okay, so phase three was the next circle out, right? Like not as mainstream in the world I was living. Like in the world I was in of hyper-educated, hyper-achieving, East Coast, mostly liberal people. Like yoga, meditation, and therapy were like extremely standard and everybody had tried them and done them. So the next circle beyond that, that not everybody had done, was coaching and my kind of first few experiences with coaching. And coaching obviously is a huge term and encompasses a lot of methodologies. So I’m not talking about coaching the way that I do it. The way I do it is going to come in the second half of the episode in things that worked.

These are other kind of coaching approaches that I tried, which like yoga, meditation, and therapy had helpful elements for me but did not give me a fundamentally different way of relating to myself and my life. So the first coach that I ever worked with came from a kind of big coaching group in New York that was, you know, high profile and it was very behavioral based coaching. So it was like, you have a goal and then you pick rewards or punishments to motivate yourself. And I sometimes call this like coaching for dum-dums because I was like, yeah, but I could reward myself without doing the thing and I can do the thing and not punish myself.

So who does this work for? You know, it sort of seemed like a technique that works if you are already have a very strong skill at doing things you don’t want to do, in which case you probably don’t need the coach, right? So I didn’t understand myself very well at the time. I didn’t understand my own neurotype very well. I didn’t, you know, I was missing a lot of information. So I tried that. It did not work at all because again, I am hyper-independent and very demand avoidant also and like I have free will. So it just it did not work to tell myself if you do the thing, you can have a treat and if you don’t, you have to do something that’ll be unpleasant for you. You know, I was just like, no, thank you, I’ll have the treat now and I’m not going to punish myself.

And you know, at the time I thought that was a flaw in me and now of course I see that like that is a lot of my strengths. Like first of all, I don’t believe that pleasure is a reward for effort. So I’m not going to like deny myself pleasure or joy or like fun things until I do a good enough job at fixing what’s wrong with me. You know, like that is so antithetical to what I practice and teach. And I wanted to have intrinsic motivation, right? And I wasn’t going to punish myself. So I think it’s fantastic that didn’t work for me. It was for good reason.

I also tried somatic only, like very somatic heavy coaching, meaning coaching that’s like very focused on being in the body and somatic work. And that also was helpful, but I really was not in a place that I could access and integrate it. And it’s really interesting. It’s like I was coaching a client of mine recently who is somebody who had done a lot of somatic work, maybe a decade ago, and her kind of story about herself was that she’d done a lot of somatic work and she was really in touch with her body and, you know, blah, blah, blah.

And then when we were coaching on what was going on, I was asking her a lot of questions about like, okay, but like when you think about taking on this project or when you’re with this person in your life or whatever, how does it feel in your body? And it like became clear that she had no idea. She was absolutely ignoring her body. Like somatic training notwithstanding. I’m not saying that somatic work isn’t helpful. Somatic work is a part of thought work. I mean, the way that I teach coaching and self-coaching, getting in touch with your body and somatic work is totally part of it.

And I’m not saying that this client hadn’t done amazing work in those somatic trainings. They obviously had done something for her, but they hadn’t done the thing that we were trying to do and the thing that I think we all come to coaching ultimately to do, which is to create a life that really like feels good, right, that like aligns with our values, our priorities, our goals and that feels positive. Obviously not every second. Life is 50/50 and sometimes doing hard things is hard. So it’s not about like feeling pleasure every minute of every day, but like feeling that deep satisfaction and fulfillment in your life, which you have to feel in the body. It’s not just a mental comprehension.

So for me and I think for a lot of people who end up coming to me, it’s like I can get clients who have never done anything to get in touch with their bodies and I can get clients who’ve done like a lot of somatic training and still aren’t in touch with their bodies because I think it’s like too far to one side when it’s too somatic focused, you have to also be engaging the brain or you’re not kind of connecting the mental and somatic experience and so you can continue to live in this kind of bifurcated way.

And then the third thing I tried in phase three that didn’t work was coaching that was more sort of like manifestation. And, you know, I think that coaching had like a core, a seed of something that I really believe and teach, which is that like you can have a lot of power over the outcomes you create in your life, but it was way too far for me in terms of just like what felt like totally delusional disconnection from reality. Not even really about the power of the mind. I believe the mind to be like pretty incredibly powerful, but in terms of just the like total lack of a material analysis of the world, you know, the total lack of acknowledgement about oppressive structures and discrimination and the difference in resources and opportunities available to people, all of that.

And a lack of understanding of socialization. Like trying to manifest something, even if you scale that back to like trying to practice positive thoughts about the outcomes you want, if you just are layering it on top of all of this like undiagnosed, unhealed socialization, it’s not effective. Like you’re trying to manifest outcomes you don’t even really want or know if you want. They’re just what you were told you’re supposed to want. Or you’re trying to manifest outcomes to prove to yourself that your self-critical thoughts aren’t true. And that doesn’t work because you’re still thinking your self-critical thoughts. So if your thoughts are powerful and creating outcomes, then those thoughts are also still operating contradicting and pushing against the positive ones you’re trying to practice. So that did not work for me either.

So again, all of those things can have their place, all of them can be helpful. This is not a podcast that says those things are bad, don’t do them. This is a podcast that is saying, hey, if you’ve tried these things and they didn’t work, it’s not because you did it wrong. It’s not because there’s something wrong with you. And if you haven’t done those things and you want to do them, that’s fine. I would work on the stuff I’m about to teach you in the second half of this podcast first, and then you can add those things and see how they work for you. Okay, so those are all the things that didn’t work for me. Take a quick break and then I’m going to tell you about the three things that did work for me.

Alright, so we’ve talked about all the things that did not help me create my dream life. And before I talk about what does, I guess I want to talk about what makes my dream life my dream life and why it’s so important for you to figure out your own. So my dream life, right, what I was taught it was, was like being a constitutional rights lawyer or being a law professor and being married to a nice Jewish man and having children and being thin and running marathons and never feeling bad, obviously, because in your dream life, you wouldn’t feel bad. You would just always feel amazing.

So that was what I thought my life was supposed to be like. And as I like grew up and, you know, there were some things that I was able to connect to about my own dream life pretty early on even before coaching and all of this work, like I knew I didn’t want my own biological children actually pretty early in my life. But most of the rest of it, I was still like, oh okay, this is what I’m supposed to do. And my actual dream life that I’m living now does not look like that at all. There are things that are consistent. I care a lot about women’s empowerment. That was always my career focus and I still do that work.

That’s kind of the only thing that’s the same, right? I am not a law professor, I am an entrepreneur and a life coach and a podcaster and a best-selling author. I guess the book is I did think I wanted to write a book when I was younger and I did write a book, but I certainly didn’t think it was going to be about life coaching. I am married. I have stepchildren, which was a big identity shift for me. I am married to a man who’s not Jewish. Although, ironically, I did end up with Jewish stepchildren who we are raising Jewish. I thought that I wanted this like glamorous New York City life and in fact, I am now like happiest where I’m recording this, which is in the middle of nowhere in like rural Pennsylvania, watching birds on my creek.

I have a very different kind of relationship. I thought that my dream life was like being married to somebody who was super high-powered and ambitious and I was socialized to think like I wasn’t going to make money if I was doing something I loved and something that was for people’s liberation. And so of course I need to would need to marry someone who made money if I wanted to have a nice life. And I am married to someone who was a government lawyer who then I was able to retire and I am the person who makes the money and he is the person who supports me, supports my work, supports our household by handling like the household management and labor. So like it looks so different and I am so much happier than I would have been if I had pursued that kind of off the rack life as opposed to the made to order one that I created for myself.

And I’m not obviously a size two. I guess I could be blonde if I dyed my hair, but why would I even want to be a blonde size two? It’s not even my hair color, but that was like the image of right attractiveness that I was taught. And I am much closer to a size 22 than to a size two. And I have way more ability to eat intuitively, eat for both pleasure and sustenance, take care of my body, make changes for health when they’re needed. Like all of that than I was able to do when I was hating my body and trying to diet culture my way to body happiness.

So here are the things that did work and they had to go in this order. The first one was radical self-compassion. You have heard me say it and you will hear me say it a million times. Self-compassion is the foundation, it is the basement that is required to support anything else you want to build. You cannot create your dream life without self-compassion because when you are full of self-judgment, you will not tell yourself the truth about who you are. You cannot become aware of your actual thoughts and feelings. You cannot understand your own actions well because you can’t become aware of your thoughts and feelings. And you cannot support yourself through the growth that is required to create your own true version of your dream life.

So radical self-compassion was the first thing and I created that through all of the tools that I teach that are about small structural cognitive changes. Like the thought ladder, practicing ladder thoughts, thoughts like it’s possible that just thinking this or doing this doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. It’s possible that it’s okay for me to feel this way. It’s like ladder thoughts. So self-compassion was the first thing.

Almost everything else, you know, I had learned about self-compassion as a value when I studied meditation, but in kind of all the other things I had tried, it was like, you know, fix yourself and then you can be proud of yourself, right? Like fix yourself and then you can be nice to yourself. Achieve this and then you can feel good about yourself. And I really had to learn to create a different relationship with myself where I was nice to myself first, even when I was failing, even when I was not the person I wanted to be, even when I had disappointed myself, right? All the ways I used to think about myself that I’d let myself down, that I’d disappointed myself, that I hadn’t followed through. Like to be nice to myself even when those things were happening. So that was number one, radical self-compassion.

Number two was radical self-awareness. And the self-compassion had to come first because I couldn’t even get to know what I really thought about myself until I had learned to be nicer to myself. I couldn’t really figure out my true thoughts and feelings when I was judging the shit out of myself. Of course, if you have a friend or a family member who’s super judgmental of you, do you tell them your most tender, vulnerable thoughts and feelings? No. And that’s the same with yourself. So I had to build the radical self-compassion and then practicing radical self-awareness meant always being curious about what I was thinking from that self-compassionate place.

Not lying to myself, not hiding things from myself. One of the ways that I did this was to promise myself that I didn’t have to take any action. I just wanted to be honest with myself. A lot of times the reason we hide from ourselves is that we’re really mean to ourselves, but then also I think we hide from the truth because we think, well, if I acknowledge this, I’ll have to do this, right? So for instance, like if I acknowledged to myself that I don’t think my boyfriend is really the right fit for me and that I’m staying with him because I don’t think I can get anyone quote unquote better, by which, you know, I really meant like a better relationship. Like I don’t think that I can get the relationship I want, so I should stay with him.

I was like afraid to acknowledge that and look that in the face because then I thought that meant I had to break up with him. And I wasn’t ready to because I still believe those thoughts, right? So the self-awareness was part of the deal with myself was like, I don’t have to change what I’m doing. I don’t have to take actions based on these thoughts and feelings. I don’t have to make decisions based on them, right? I can keep doing what I’m doing because I wasn’t ready to change those things yet, but I’m just going to tell myself the truth about what I really think and feel and why I’m doing the things I’m doing without any pressure to change the things. So it was radical self-compassion, radical self-awareness.

And then the third element was radical self-responsibility. Now, we all want to start with this, right? I’m going to take responsibility for myself that I then like beat myself up enough or like shame myself into being good enough to finally be nice to myself. Wrong way around. Self-compassion, self-awareness, then radical self-responsibility. Radical self-responsibility meant really taking responsibility for the part of my outcomes that I was creating. So if we take that example of, you know, having previously been afraid to tell myself the truth about what I thought about my boyfriend at the time or my our relationship because I was afraid that if I acknowledged that I was with him because I didn’t think I could have the kind of relationship I wanted, that then that would mean that was true or I needed to break up with him because it was bad to settle or whatever else, right? It was like shame either direction.

Self-compassion was like being kind to myself about those feelings. Self-awareness was bringing those thoughts to the surface and really like acknowledging them without having to act on them. And then when I was ready for the next step, self-responsibility meant looking at how I was creating this outcome. I was creating the outcome of not having the relationship I want by being in a relationship that wasn’t what I wanted and therefore making myself unavailable for any other relationship. But I had to do those other two things first because self-compassion is the only way for accurate self-responsibility. I often get women coming in to work with me or people coming in to work with me who want to say that they’re taking, they want to take more self-responsibility.

What they really mean is they think that they control everything. They blame themselves or shame themselves for anything that they are not controlling and they want to like be a better person somehow, right? It’s like a self-critical thing. It’s like, I want to take responsibility for this. And what they really mean is like, I’m going to beat myself up more and see if that helps. And that is not what self-responsibility is. Self-responsibility is morally neutral. It’s regarding your outcomes with moral neutrality. It’s almost like scientific. It’s like, what is the causal mechanism here? It’s not how am I being a bad person in a way that creates bad outcomes. It’s not how am I to blame for my outcomes in a shameful way.

It is just what are the things I’m thinking, feeling and doing that are contributing to this outcome. How can I trace that causal mechanism so that I can see it and see if I want to change it. So it also meant taking responsibility for things that I preferred to blame on other people. Like I preferred to blame my childhood. I preferred to blame my body. I preferred to blame sexism. I preferred to blame a lot of things. It doesn’t mean those things didn’t exist. Sexism exists. My childhood existed. My body existed and fatphobia about my body existed.

So it’s not that self-responsibility meant, oh, nothing else exists, but self-responsibility meant there are certain circumstances in the world and then I have to decide how I’m going to meet them and respond to them and react to them and rise to them. And if I’m not doing that, then I don’t get to be mad about them. I don’t get to blame them for things in my life if I haven’t done everything I can do to change the outcomes. When I’ve done everything I can do, then I might be able to see what things are beyond my control and figure out how to make peace with them. But I don’t get to not try and then just blame the whole resisting problem, right?

So to stick with the dating example, fatphobia is real. Fatphobia in the dating world is very real. But radical self-responsibility looked like I’ve previously been blaming my body and then I’m also blaming fatphobia. I’m blaming both, right, holding these contradictory beliefs that it’s like unfair that the dating market is fatphobic but also I shouldn’t be fat and I should be thinner and then I would be happy and loved, right? And radical self-responsibility was fatphobia exists in the dating market and by believing that my body is a problem and that I’m not attractive and all these other things, the way I’m showing up in my dating is destined to lead to failure.

So until I have taken radical responsibility for cleaning up my side of the street, which is like changing my thoughts about myself, changing my thoughts about what’s possible for me, changing my thoughts about who’s out there for me and all of that, I need to do all of that. I need to take responsibility for everything I can control. Then I can see what power the things I can’t control really have over me, if any. So that was radical self-responsibility.

Those are the three things that changed my life. And the way that those things were operationalized, sort of how they were implemented, was by coming up with a vision for my dream life, what I really wanted, right, which was to work for myself, to be financially independent, to be in an incredible relationship, to enjoy and be closer to my family members, to be able to travel, right, to live in a certain way, like live in a certain place, all of those things. And then using the thought work that I teach, changing my thoughts to bridge the gap between where I was and where I wanted to go, changing my thoughts to produce different feelings and actions and outcomes.

So this brings me to my gift for you, my 400th birthday gift for you. I want to gift you a training that I did that was a paid training originally about how to create your dream life. So this is a recording and a workbook where I walk you through the process of creating your dream life so that you can see where you really want to go and then you know how to direct your thought work to help get you there. It’s really a radical powerful act for women and people socialized as women and other marginalized communities to imagine their actual dream life outside of hustling for worth, outside of hustling for respect, outside of trying to live up to social expectations to finally gain acceptance and respect and love.

Like to step out of that system, to step out of that game, to refuse to play by those rules and to really envision and imagine who you really want to be and what you really want your life to be like is a radical act. And you cannot create it unless you get real about it. Having these far-off forever fantasies, those are never going to come true on their own. You have to set them down and really commit to them and then use thought work and the process of cognitive change to create the feelings and actions that need to drive them.

So that is what this training will help you do and it’s my gift to you to celebrate all of the beautiful work that we have all done here together. So if you want to grab it, go to unfuckyourbrain.com/400dream. It’s all one word. It’s 400, then the word dream. No spaces or anything. So unfuckyourbrain.com/400dream, with 400 in numbers, not spelled out. Or text your email to +1-347-997-1784 and the code word is the same. It’s 400dream. All one word, right, 400 and then the word dream, 400dream. So that’s text your email to +1-347-997-1784 and the code word is 400 in numbers, 400, dream. All one word. It is a really powerful training and I’m really excited for you to check it out and start to create your dream life. And I’m going to keep podcasting to help you do it too. So I’ll see you back here next week for more of that.

If you’re loving what you’re learning on the podcast, you have got to come check out The Feminist Self-Help Society. It’s our newly revamped community and classroom where you get individual help to better apply these concepts to your life, along with a library of next-level blow-your-mind coaching tools and concepts that I just can’t fit in a podcast episode.

It’s also where you can hang out, get coached, and nerd out about all things thought work and feminist mindset with other podcast listeners just like you and me. It’s my favorite place on Earth and it will change your life, I guarantee it. Come join us at www.UnfuckYourBrain.com/society. I can’t wait to see you there.